HEAVY METAL

Everyone needs to let it out at times. Whatever it is, let it out. A great way is through Heavy Metal, why? Obviously because it is the most head banging blood boiling outlet on Earth. Don't be fooled, listening to Cold Play on medium volume is not relieving stress. Just rock the fuck out for once. Who knows, maybe you'll dig it.

Crack Torch Post Coming Soon

Bamer

The last two weeks have been exciting. As you know, if you have read older posts, my teeth got the old hi-ya ninja kick. So they are now slightly broken. The other day while attempting to launch a chair across a living room I ran into another little accident. The chair bounced off the wall and clocked me in the head. As if my pretty face had not been through enough in the last two weeks last night someone decided to sucker punch me. The kicker to this story is that for once it wasn't a joke or an accident. This was full blown rage. First I think it is important to point out that Mike Tyson as we will call him had to hop a fence, crawl through the bushes, and sneak up behind me. But good old Mike did all that just to pop me in the kisser. One second I'm minding my own business, the next, hot white flash and bark-dust in my pants. Why was I on the ground? What the hell is going on here? So I looked up and who did I see, none other than Mike Tyson. He was mad at me for this and that and well, big deal. So I carried on my night like any true gladiator would and ended up crawling in bed at some god awful time. The only downside to last night is that it hurts so much more in the morning. It always does. 

Boredom and the Internet

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Secular Freedom

Public areas are tricky business. American's value free speech, but do we value free stupidity? I had a chit chat with this man today, he was less than intelligent, and he looked like a bad 80's porn star. Most interestingly he called me a "faggot homo intellectual pig" which I did not understand. Why call me a "faggot homo" how about just "fag"? Intellectual pig, that could be construed as a compliment I believe. In any case I engaged our pathetic little friend in a conversation regarding all things liberal, explicit, secular, and of course for my own satisfaction muslim. He did some yelling, I did some laughing, and then he turned and walked away when I likened his look to that of a gay porno star. He also did not respond well to taunts of, "Hail Satan." Good thing he is more confused than the rest of us. If good ol' Jesus is the answer, I highly doubt he wants nut jobs like this acting as his preachers. 

Please take the time to notice the strangely phallic nature of the posts resting area. 

Chuck Norris

Kicking people in the balls can only result in one thing, laughter. It is an activity that never fails to amuse all those who are not being kicked in the balls. The problem with ball kicks though? Besides the obvious unholy pain associated with them if you are the victim. Is that once the victim recovers, they become violent beasts with nothing but blood in mind. So directly after kicking my friend HR in the balls i had the pleasure of high-fiving my face with his shoe. Result, some of my teeth have decided to up and leave my mouth.  At first there was a lot of gasping and screaming and, "Oh God I'm so sorry!". This is not the rock n' roll attitude I want in my life. So i smiled, spit up some teeth, and said, "Yeah but does it look cool?" Seriously folks, get real, oh no your teeth are gone, oh no my head is shaved, oh no this, oh no that. Just keep in mind one little detail about our sad short little lives, according to a) the geological time scale, and b) all major New York glossy magazines our lives are rather meaningless. Enjoy the weekend. 

Nice Whip Dirty Old Bag

Something about ass poppin' and ghetto stars was coming through the speakers of my mother's station wagon that I am currently borrowing, I was in a trance, just driving across town, nice and slow like. ZOOM! Out of no where this crazy old broad comes zipping by in what can only be described as a death box from hell. This little "zap car" as the drivers door read so clearly was a vibrant, although disgusting, purple. Worse, it had three wheels and a some old broad driving. How better can one spell high speed disaster? In a world filled with expierements to conserve oil, and live "greener" this little doosey falls short of making any sense. The little bugger looked like it wouldn't hold up in a head on collision with one of those infamous battery powered barbie cars that every cute little girl had circa 94'. Anyway, get your grandmother off the road. 

 Flying towards the destruction of an American era. 

The Key

Staying awake long past due is no easy task for the normal human being. While many people believe they are night owls or insomniacs I can fairly and honestly say, "No, your wrong about yourself." On this same token of cocky equivalence I can also point out that late 40 something year old women do not sleep, expect for the pathetic ones. Not sleeping can have negative repercussions on your body, mind, and spirit, but so what, if you want a longer life just forget about sleeping every now and again. The key to this life of blood shot eyes and endless tales of weird nights with lucid visions is simple, have a good book to get you by when your bored, cigarettes if you smoke, and a deep desire to be more than what evolution has intended you to be. The key in essence is to just say fuck it and keep on moving forward with whatever activity your awake for. Tonight, or at this time, this morning, is all about studying for some worthless and ridiculous exam. Research has proven that the all-nighter is a stupid idea, and you actually become stupider. Do those researchers account for people that have said fuck you to sleep for years? Or are they simply grabbing people who have listened to what society has dictated as bed time their entire lives? Who knows, who cares, moving on. At this point, the best way to go about your day is to live by a few rules. These rules are simply about you, and you should not cave to the standards given to you on a day after rest. If you smell so what you'll go home and sleep soon anyway. If you are woozy, dizzy, or being destroyed by a head pounding headache, well get over it, you didn't sleep and your not going to. Just look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, and say, "Oh yeah, nature be damned, I am my own king." I have heard the world record for the most hours logged without the help of drugs is 72 hours. Any longer than that and apparently you can die. They tested this on rats, the rats died. Will you die? Who knows, go find out. 

Ears of thunder

There is a guy I know, I know him very well. You get to know him as Virginia. Virginia is really moving and shaking these days. While this quote did not come out of his mouth, it shot directly out of his brain, "Fuck off school, moving, shaking, and riding my dream until the bitch is spent." Yeah, I really feel that sums up Virginia's current situation. Either way, this post is simply to enlighten you on the fact that the boy is creating more buzz for the Portland music scene than anyone else these day's and his efforts, combined with your ears lust for good tunes, should pay off. So without sounding like an agent, or publicist I want you to all check out http://rocknrollportland.blogspot.com. If you don't, your really wasting your time. That site will show you, the music and party hungry beast you are trying so hard to become, just where to be in Portland, and why you definitely need to be in Portland. So go there, soak up the raw power of leather and denim, and just cut loose for once. Either way, what's the worst that can happen? You miss five minutes of the porn your so closely watching? Sorry ladies, that crack was for the boys. 

Fucking Idiots, it was rad though

Look carefully above the large green "OREGON", behind it you will see a little sign headed "OBAMA". The miniature sign was stupid, I won't fight that, but that sign was one man's opinion. In a political atmosphere bent on change, freedom, hope, and apparently love (whoever made that giant heart is a girl, and needs to sign off aim more often.) Either way, these two sign holders clashed in a show of both humor, irony, and hate. Here is where things get good; little guy, little sign, lots of guys, huge fucking monstrosity of a sign. End of story, large sign group does not appreciate the message of the single small sign amigo, conclusion? Block his sign out with the power of a thousand signs. Democratic? Maybe if you are G.W. Bush, but these fucking moron wanna-be liberal crusaders should have realized they were just pulling the same dick shit that good ol' G.W. pulled in Iraq. This is my main reason for hating the youth, old people are right, we are just a bunch of stupid bastards. 

The crowd was enjoying a good laugh at the expense of this poor man's freedom. 

Obama 1, McCain 0

Barack Obama stopped traffic in Eugene, Oregon yesterday. Creating the most diverse crowd politics has seen since the early 1970's. Bike cops were wearing shorts only redneck strippers should wear, hippies lurked around so dirty they almost look fashionable, and a splattering of old farts, youngsters, hipsters, cool guy jocks, cool guy fix gear riders, and sluts with tits all packed into the lawn in front of the University of Oregon's Knight library to hear the big man speak. He reminds me of Clinton, Mr. Cool, who is too "down" to talk like a Republican, but so informed that you want him in charge. Good for you Obama. His speech can be broken down like this, we need change, change is coming, but I'm not telling you how, it'll be a sweet surprise, vote for me, god bless.

Freaks and Geeks and God Lovin' Americans listening to a guy in a nice suit.

 

Security was what I like to call intense, a mellow 40 gate inspection area and 100 or so bald guys with guns. 

Short Shorts, bikes, come on Johnny Law your blowing it.

Of course the hippies were there, it's fucking Eugene. 

Get off my block

Walked outside today to find a modern day campus explosion at my doorstep. I noticed a few things, like friends, enemies, and sluts. The sluts were very noticeable. I'm all for empowering women but honesty ladies, just because he has a snowboard does not make him a nice guy, and if you look like you just skipped homeroom to be here, well, you should really rethink your values. Anyway, a few maneuvers were pulled, a few girls were broken, and this wonderful nut shot was captured on home video. Enjoy folks. 

Matt Hundhammer, all smiles and hippie shit. 

Burning Down the House

Arthur Brown, pure unadulterated awesome.

A Quick Reminder

If you want it, it is yours. Don't be a silly fuck over the pretension of others and their unknowing ignorance towards your aspirations. People are being skull fucked as we speak, don't allow this to happen to you, unless that is your prerogative. In that case, take it to the dome, don't puke it ruins the moment, and enjoy. 

Stripper Poop

Things happen in life that can be taken one of two ways, great or not so great. Bad is a stupid concept, abandon it and give life a real kick in the nuts. So this weekend happened, and it was great, Virginia is leaving town for the rest of forever and it was time to show him a good time. The things that happened can only be described as stripper poop awesome and/or what would jesus do? Virginia's shirt may or may not have stripper poop on it, and I may or may not have ended a fight by saying, "What would jesus do?" which got the response, "Ya know what, Fuck You." Ouch, my feelings are forever bruised and battered because you can say the F word, my hats off to you. In closing, a good majority of the population is fake, trying to hard, or just plain boring. Don't allow yourself to slip in with them, you can do better. 

Ah Humbug

I'm actually surprised my foot did not ram through the wall leaving me high and dry with a broken leg and a case of the blues. Luckily though, all went well, and it was a great day of indoor debauchery.