Oh yeah whoops

So I got this job. Doing writing. Doing things. Making moves. So this blog here is on hiatus until I retire from that job. So once the school year picks back up, or I leave town, the updates will begin to flow like crack in the 80's all over again. 

-xoxo nwlipton

You, me, and everyone else

I just read a book titled How to Loose Friends and Alienate People, and it got me to thinking. Are the people you hold so dear really that important? Are the folks you look at as mentors and giants of their trade really so special? Or rather have you just not gotten your piece of the pie yet? Who says you are not capable of being the best? Even better who says you are not the future kingpin of whatever you want to do? The bottom line is to give a large "fuck you" to whomever gets in your way. Doubt, jealousy, and other worthless traits are all things people who are less than you do to rationalize their defeat. Rather than let people bog you down, tell you how to live, or try to get you down on yourself, just look at what you have accomplished and revel in it. On the flip side if you really do suck, sorry amigo keep trying. As many a rapper would say, "Just squash dem foo's" and do whatever you want. The Mayan calendar (among others) says that 2012 is the end of the world, that raises two questions. One, what if it is the end of the world, do you really want to waste these last years as a semi accomplished whatever the fuck? Or do you want to get out there and slap life in the face? The second question, and my personal favorite this month, is would you rather live a long life filled with plenty of nice memories, or see the end of the world? Think Black Sabbath raining down from the sky as hot lava and demons fly around with guitars and brain destroying vocals. You know it would be exciting. Then again, it could be a massive earth quake or freak comet just destroys Earth and it all happens within a split second leaving a path of death in its wake. That would be boring, let us hope the first situation is what fate has in store for us. Either way in 5.6 billion years the sun will engulf the Earth destroying what is left of a baron little rock once called Earth. Have a nice day.

Way to go me

Internships pay off because you get stuff out of them. Today I got published for the second time in history, neat. The first time was kind of cool, but it was mostly a buddy asking me to write him some ill tempered shit to spice up an interview, this time though, I wrote a movie review. Fuck you if you aren't impressed it is my day of glory and you will not steal my shine. Anyway if you are interested in seeing my first "proffesional" piece check it out at http://alliancewakeskate.com/droppings.php?id=340&page=1 otherwise laugh at my expense. I can only ask that if you do visit the site, give my article a look and leave a comment as well. I promise more exciting things in the future, at least I gave you one more site to look at on your long quest to not go to sleep, go outside, or do anything productive right? Procrastinators unite!

Up, Down, and the over there

Internships are a funny thing, one minute you think you are king of all that you can see (much like lion king) and the next, you are working hard for zero dollars and no credit, but it gets worse. So now your day is gone, because you spent in working for someone else for free right? Right! So it is time to get a night job. This can be tricky as our beloved economy is in the shitter. So what to do? Think about awkward jobs, strip club janitor, midnight mall security, or my favorite evening laborer. My conclusion thus far this "summer" is to work in yards in the evening cleaning, trimming, and doing all those things old people love so much for under the counter wages. To be honest though, I really hope Subway calls back about that night shift. It may suck, it may be smelly, but hey, its steady, and its easy.

Age will ruin you

School let out yesterday at roughly 1:50 for me. I finished my last final, I said goodbye to campus, and I wondered around smelling of shit and happiness. The only thing I could really focus on was the scene from "Dazed and Confused" when the kids rush out of class to get home before the Juniors turned Seniors beat them senseless. That scene is enhanced by Alice Cooper's "Schools Out for Summer" and that song was just perfect for the moment. Being lost in the framework of an academic I began analyzing Cooper, and what thirty years has done to the legendary madman. Ozzy did the babbling idiot thing, Keith Richards is still as badass today as he was back then, and almost everyone else worth mentioning is dead, but what about old Alice? Well he turned to golf. Sadly our snake wielding, makeup wearing, satanic force from hell has become an old man, and has lost his way no matter what he has to say about it.

Movin' Out

There comes a time in every mans life when he needs to move out of an apartment. In my case the time is now. I've spent one long painfully filthy year in this studio apartment, and I feel it is time to move on. What I didn't expect was the "cleaning list" provided by my rental agency. When I moved into this dump it was filthy, the shag carpet made me cringe, the pubic hair left in the shower gave me the goosebumps, and the overall feel that AIDS was dripping from the walls simply left me feeling blue. Since then I've had three kitchen mates, one of which was a whore who robbed me, the other a very nice indian man who left the kitchen a mess, and the third (the new guy) some random smelly kid (sorry if you read this random smelly kid). The lights have all burned out, there have been constant problems with both the plumbing and the domestic disturbances from all of the oh so friendly neighbors, and frankly I feel as though cleaning this dump is a waste of my time. They (the rental agency) expect me to clean this place as if Tom Cruise was coming to stay. Wash this, soak that, clean this, swipe that. Well I don't know how to clean a toilet bowl when its black and orange, and I haven't seen the floor of my room in over four months, so eat it. I'll take my shit with me, I'll even clean up the garbage, and yes, I'll give the place an overall swipe down with my magical disinfectant rags, but no, I will not put energy into cleaning this dump. The lesson of this story is don't do what you don't have to. That may sound stupid, and come off as unhelpful and rude, but if you are living in the shittiest of places make them suffer a little bit as well. After all, they didn't get you a new door when your old one was broken in during the robbery, and that table I've been waiting on for nine months is still absent. So listen up America, stick it to the man and leave a dump in the toilet, your deposit will cover it and feeling good is always better than a measly 200 dollars. Oh, and a personal complaint, the asians that live above me and fight all night, break shit, and end up sobbing until the wee hours of the morning really need to break up. At some point, love doesn't conquer all and you're just wasting your life away. Stick to the man, leave a terd in the tank.

HEAVY METAL

Everyone needs to let it out at times. Whatever it is, let it out. A great way is through Heavy Metal, why? Obviously because it is the most head banging blood boiling outlet on Earth. Don't be fooled, listening to Cold Play on medium volume is not relieving stress. Just rock the fuck out for once. Who knows, maybe you'll dig it.

Crack Torch Post Coming Soon

Bamer

The last two weeks have been exciting. As you know, if you have read older posts, my teeth got the old hi-ya ninja kick. So they are now slightly broken. The other day while attempting to launch a chair across a living room I ran into another little accident. The chair bounced off the wall and clocked me in the head. As if my pretty face had not been through enough in the last two weeks last night someone decided to sucker punch me. The kicker to this story is that for once it wasn't a joke or an accident. This was full blown rage. First I think it is important to point out that Mike Tyson as we will call him had to hop a fence, crawl through the bushes, and sneak up behind me. But good old Mike did all that just to pop me in the kisser. One second I'm minding my own business, the next, hot white flash and bark-dust in my pants. Why was I on the ground? What the hell is going on here? So I looked up and who did I see, none other than Mike Tyson. He was mad at me for this and that and well, big deal. So I carried on my night like any true gladiator would and ended up crawling in bed at some god awful time. The only downside to last night is that it hurts so much more in the morning. It always does. 

Boredom and the Internet

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Secular Freedom

Public areas are tricky business. American's value free speech, but do we value free stupidity? I had a chit chat with this man today, he was less than intelligent, and he looked like a bad 80's porn star. Most interestingly he called me a "faggot homo intellectual pig" which I did not understand. Why call me a "faggot homo" how about just "fag"? Intellectual pig, that could be construed as a compliment I believe. In any case I engaged our pathetic little friend in a conversation regarding all things liberal, explicit, secular, and of course for my own satisfaction muslim. He did some yelling, I did some laughing, and then he turned and walked away when I likened his look to that of a gay porno star. He also did not respond well to taunts of, "Hail Satan." Good thing he is more confused than the rest of us. If good ol' Jesus is the answer, I highly doubt he wants nut jobs like this acting as his preachers. 

Please take the time to notice the strangely phallic nature of the posts resting area. 

Chuck Norris

Kicking people in the balls can only result in one thing, laughter. It is an activity that never fails to amuse all those who are not being kicked in the balls. The problem with ball kicks though? Besides the obvious unholy pain associated with them if you are the victim. Is that once the victim recovers, they become violent beasts with nothing but blood in mind. So directly after kicking my friend HR in the balls i had the pleasure of high-fiving my face with his shoe. Result, some of my teeth have decided to up and leave my mouth.  At first there was a lot of gasping and screaming and, "Oh God I'm so sorry!". This is not the rock n' roll attitude I want in my life. So i smiled, spit up some teeth, and said, "Yeah but does it look cool?" Seriously folks, get real, oh no your teeth are gone, oh no my head is shaved, oh no this, oh no that. Just keep in mind one little detail about our sad short little lives, according to a) the geological time scale, and b) all major New York glossy magazines our lives are rather meaningless. Enjoy the weekend. 

Nice Whip Dirty Old Bag

Something about ass poppin' and ghetto stars was coming through the speakers of my mother's station wagon that I am currently borrowing, I was in a trance, just driving across town, nice and slow like. ZOOM! Out of no where this crazy old broad comes zipping by in what can only be described as a death box from hell. This little "zap car" as the drivers door read so clearly was a vibrant, although disgusting, purple. Worse, it had three wheels and a some old broad driving. How better can one spell high speed disaster? In a world filled with expierements to conserve oil, and live "greener" this little doosey falls short of making any sense. The little bugger looked like it wouldn't hold up in a head on collision with one of those infamous battery powered barbie cars that every cute little girl had circa 94'. Anyway, get your grandmother off the road. 

 Flying towards the destruction of an American era. 

The Key

Staying awake long past due is no easy task for the normal human being. While many people believe they are night owls or insomniacs I can fairly and honestly say, "No, your wrong about yourself." On this same token of cocky equivalence I can also point out that late 40 something year old women do not sleep, expect for the pathetic ones. Not sleeping can have negative repercussions on your body, mind, and spirit, but so what, if you want a longer life just forget about sleeping every now and again. The key to this life of blood shot eyes and endless tales of weird nights with lucid visions is simple, have a good book to get you by when your bored, cigarettes if you smoke, and a deep desire to be more than what evolution has intended you to be. The key in essence is to just say fuck it and keep on moving forward with whatever activity your awake for. Tonight, or at this time, this morning, is all about studying for some worthless and ridiculous exam. Research has proven that the all-nighter is a stupid idea, and you actually become stupider. Do those researchers account for people that have said fuck you to sleep for years? Or are they simply grabbing people who have listened to what society has dictated as bed time their entire lives? Who knows, who cares, moving on. At this point, the best way to go about your day is to live by a few rules. These rules are simply about you, and you should not cave to the standards given to you on a day after rest. If you smell so what you'll go home and sleep soon anyway. If you are woozy, dizzy, or being destroyed by a head pounding headache, well get over it, you didn't sleep and your not going to. Just look at yourself in the mirror, take a deep breath, and say, "Oh yeah, nature be damned, I am my own king." I have heard the world record for the most hours logged without the help of drugs is 72 hours. Any longer than that and apparently you can die. They tested this on rats, the rats died. Will you die? Who knows, go find out. 

Ears of thunder

There is a guy I know, I know him very well. You get to know him as Virginia. Virginia is really moving and shaking these days. While this quote did not come out of his mouth, it shot directly out of his brain, "Fuck off school, moving, shaking, and riding my dream until the bitch is spent." Yeah, I really feel that sums up Virginia's current situation. Either way, this post is simply to enlighten you on the fact that the boy is creating more buzz for the Portland music scene than anyone else these day's and his efforts, combined with your ears lust for good tunes, should pay off. So without sounding like an agent, or publicist I want you to all check out http://rocknrollportland.blogspot.com. If you don't, your really wasting your time. That site will show you, the music and party hungry beast you are trying so hard to become, just where to be in Portland, and why you definitely need to be in Portland. So go there, soak up the raw power of leather and denim, and just cut loose for once. Either way, what's the worst that can happen? You miss five minutes of the porn your so closely watching? Sorry ladies, that crack was for the boys. 

Fucking Idiots, it was rad though

Look carefully above the large green "OREGON", behind it you will see a little sign headed "OBAMA". The miniature sign was stupid, I won't fight that, but that sign was one man's opinion. In a political atmosphere bent on change, freedom, hope, and apparently love (whoever made that giant heart is a girl, and needs to sign off aim more often.) Either way, these two sign holders clashed in a show of both humor, irony, and hate. Here is where things get good; little guy, little sign, lots of guys, huge fucking monstrosity of a sign. End of story, large sign group does not appreciate the message of the single small sign amigo, conclusion? Block his sign out with the power of a thousand signs. Democratic? Maybe if you are G.W. Bush, but these fucking moron wanna-be liberal crusaders should have realized they were just pulling the same dick shit that good ol' G.W. pulled in Iraq. This is my main reason for hating the youth, old people are right, we are just a bunch of stupid bastards. 

The crowd was enjoying a good laugh at the expense of this poor man's freedom.